


Synchronize

by chimericalCarnival



Series: Gorillaz [3]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Phase Five (Gorillaz), Phase Four (Gorillaz), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28628898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimericalCarnival/pseuds/chimericalCarnival
Summary: It was a realization that took years in the making. That it didn’t matter whether they hated or loved each other. Whether side by side or toe to toe... they were always going to be together. Always.Sequel to "Verbalize"
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Stuart "2D" Pot
Series: Gorillaz [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677481
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	1. Only Humanz

Cockroaches, cigarette burns and carpet stains. Not entirely unexpected décor for the cheap motel rooms they had booked out for the night. Sure, Murdoc supposed they could have kept driving for another couple of miles till they found something that didn’t reek of monkey piss. But all of them agreed that anywhere would be fine as long as they finally got some fucking sleep. The band had slept in worse during the early days. One night in this shithole wasn’t going to kill them.

Still, despite being dead tired from having driven all day, Murdoc couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep. He hasn’t been able to for the past few nights, either. Despite the nonchalant atmosphere that had surrounded the band after their reunion, he could not stop that gnawing worry in his head that all of it was going to go to shit soon enough because  _ holy fuck they were a band again _ . After Plastic Beach, he figured they were done in forever. Nothing more than another name to add to the ‘Hall of Dead Bands. It had been a fear that plagued him since his escape in the submarine and eventual incarceration. That all his hard work would amount to absolutely nothing. Or, even worse, that he lost everyone forever. No more Russel, Noodle...or 2D.  _ Especially _ 2D. Not that it would have been surprising, given all that’s happened.

Plastic Beach was...a nightmare and a fever dream all at once. He’d say it felt like Hell, but 2D was there with him. Even if the two were at their lowest, Murdoc had selfishly held onto the comforting thought that they were at least suffering together. A sentiment that was most likely not returned by the singer.

Murdoc let out a low growl as he sat on the hood of the car, smoking his third cigarette of the night. There wasn’t much to do during times like this. He supposed he could go back to his old vices of sex and booze; he thought he saw a bar somewhere up the road. But even that idea seemed to have lost its appeal. In the end all the old croon could do was sit and wait till either the sun came up or his body eventually gave in to sleep. As much as he liked to brag that he would forever be youthful, he could feel the years weighing on his chest like a cinder block. Really was a pain in the ass...

“Can’t sleep?” Murdoc quickly turned around to see 2D coming up from the motel. The singer stopped a bit behind him, hands tucked into his jean jacket as he awkwardly kept some distance between them.

The two haven’t been alone together since the band regrouped. Murdoc wanted to say it wasn’t on purpose, that they’ve just all been crammed together these past few weeks without much privacy, but the sheer tension between them said otherwise. There was a pause, before he sighed, “Nah.” He forced his shoulders to relax before giving a shrug, “Too cramped for my taste. Not exactly the Ritz, yeah?”

“It’s not so bad. At least you got the couch this time.” 2D noted. Murdoc got the couch, Russel got the tub, Noodle got the bed and 2D was given the honor of sleeping on the armchair this time around. Not too unlike how their old set up used to be like whenever they went out on the road during their starter years. 

“Guess so.” He eyed the other a bit suspiciously, “Why are you out here, then? Thought you passed out the second we stepped in.”

2D shuffled closer and looked down the highway, “Can’t really sleep well anymore”

Murdoc merely nodded, pressing his lips together. Fuck, that’s right, the other was off pills. He’d offer to get him some, but it had been a conscious choice by the singer to go cold turkey. Least Murdoc could do was respect that. “Ah.” was all he could conjure up for a response before looking back toward the road.

After a moment Murdoc felt the car dip slightly as 2D moved to lean against the hood of the car with him. Propping a foot against the bumper, he pulled out his own pack and a matchbook he got at the last diner they stopped at. Slender fingers went to work, gripping the match securely as he gave a clean swipe to the back of the matchbook and ignited it before carefully cupping a hand over the end of the cigarette as he lit…Murdoc didn’t realize he was staring at him till 2D turned his head slightly toward him with a questioning gaze. Fuck-well-shit. Murdoc stubbornly turned to face the road once more, trying to push back those stupid, yet familiar, intrusive thoughts with a long, annoyed drag. 

For a while the two sat in silence, watching the highway in front of them. Murdoc felt a sense of dejavu gnawing at his mind as it slowly occurred to him that the last time they had a smoke together had been at Kong. After that night, their comradery became a slow burning rivalry. Instead of running the band together, Murdoc found himself going toe to toe with the man who had been the closest thing he had to a real friend. 

Before he could think more on that, 2D spoke up, “Did you ever think we’d be in a band again?”

Murdoc scoffed, “No.” he took the cigarette out of his mouth, “Did you?”

“No.” 2D looked down at the floor for a moment before he added a little quieter, “Didn’t really think I’d ever come back, to be honest.”

“What changed then?”

“I dunno...it was just time, I guess?” 2D let out a puff of white smoke before looking at Murdoc, “Did you think we’d come back?”

Murdoc shook his head, “I figured you’d all tell me to fuck off. Or not even bother to respond...but then you did. You all did.” he said softly There wasn’t a lot of time to really reminisce on past events. It all sort of slowly came in waves. Realizations that hit him hard nevertheless. “Sometimes...I...can’t believe it. It still feels…”

“Like a dream?”

“Yeah...yeah sure.” Murdoc leaned back, “...Feels like I don’t deserve it.”

“Well...it’s not like ‘deserving’ stopped you before.” Murdoc gave a shrug and 2D sniffled before adding, “You’ve always been gettin’ whatever you want you selfish prick.”

Murdoc and 2D looked at one another with a blank expression before, after a few moments, a smile spread across their faces. Then, laughter. “Alright, alright, fuck you. I’ll let you have that one.” Murdoc said, crossing his arms and leaning back with another laugh. That gapped toothed grin from 2D made the insult worth it. Murdoc laughed a bit once more before sighing, though a smile was still on his face. “Well, if I worked on what I ‘deserved’ or ‘didn’t deserve’ I’d still be stuck in that shithole I  _ festered _ in workin some 9 to 5. Perhaps, oh god forbid,  _ teaching _ at some god forsaken university.” 2D laughed again and Murdoc couldn’t help but smile wider at the sight. But of course, his mind had to ruin it by reminding him- hey, when was the last time 2D even smiled in his presence? The angry tears of Plastic Beach filled his mind and the smile faded a bit from his face. 

The quiet of the night slowly settled once more and after composing himself, 2D shook his head, “I guess so. If ya stopped at that first band, you’d never get here.”

“ _ We’d _ never get here.” Murdoc corrected. 2D stared at him, caught off guard by the statement. “I mean, it’s  _ my _ band but, you know...we all...pitch in.”

He squinted his eyes at him as he took a drag, “Like how?”

“C’mon...you know.”

The singer looked away, sighing as he scratched his temple. He was silent for a moment before finally speaking, “Murdoc...We’re all glad to be back, yeah? Glad to be back together making music. But none of us are going to stay if things stay the same.” Murdoc gave him a questioning look as 2D turned to look at him with a frown, “If you’re just going to treat us like trash.”

A low growl escaped him and he turned away, scowling at nothing in particular. He knew he wasn’t going to be like before. Knew that he wanted to change and that he regretted everything he’s ever done. That he was going to be a real leader and not fuck them over...but he didn’t know how to say it outloud. It felt like if he spoke those words, then they’d no longer ring true. “Look, it’ll all be okay.”

“How?”

“Well...it will be. Things are not the same. They don’t feel the same.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t now...but it feels like _it’ll_ _be_ the same. Like an...impending doom.” 2D shook his head as shifted on the hood. 

“Look it’s just...weird. Weird and bloody crazy. That’s all.”

“We don’t know if you’ll go back to before.”

“I won’t.”

“Why?”

“Cause I said so.”

“So we’re just supposed to believe that? Believe that you won’t hurt the band?”

“Yes exactly. Trust your leader, trust me-”

“After years of you being an absolute dickhead?”

“Fuck off.”

The taller man scoffed, “Yeah, alright. Maybe we can just forget it all. Let it all stay in the past.”

Choosing to ignore the sarcasm in 2D’s voice, he nodded eagerly, “Yes! Exactly, let’s just all forget about everything and move on.” Murdoc slapped a hand on the hood with a grin.

“...But can I trust you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe we can all ignore the shit that’s gone down. Pretend you didn’t replace half the band. Start fresh and all that...but what about you and me?”

“...us?” Oh fuck. The band he was willing to talk about but them- _their_ _relationship_ -was still a sensitive topic. It’s not like their emotions were a secret. They’ve confessed before with equally disastrous results. Still, while Murdoc knew his feelings, albeit conflicted, still rang true he had no idea what the other felt at this point. Nothing good, he assumed. 2D had said it himself years ago- _I will never fucking forgive you._ Murdoc could see no reason why that would have changed. 

“Yeah, us...I mean...we haven’t talked about what happened...”

“What is there to talk about?”

2D frowned and straightened up some, “You think that after everything that’s happened there isn’t a fucking thing we need to discuss?”

“What’s in the past is in the past-”

“But it still lingers, doesn’t it?” he scoffed, “Do you remember when was the last time we smoked together? What  _ happened _ the last time we smoked together?”

“So it’s my fault I didn’t want to shag you?”

“Sod off, you know this isn’t what that’s about.”

Murdoc growled and threw his cigarette on the ground, “What do you want from me? I’m sorry I didn’t want to bang some horny teenager at the time because they confessed to me?”

“If I just wanted to fuck you then you would have let it happen the second I brought it up.” 2D brought both legs up to rest on the bumper, feeling anxious though very much angry at it all, “You know it wasn’t just that. That it was never just that.” 2D met Murdoc’s glare before the older man sharply turned his head away, head shaking. “You felt it too.” 2D’s frown softened a bit and he sighed, “...Why did you say those things, back then?”

Murdoc didn’t look at him, fists curled against the cold black metal of the hood. He wouldn’t harm 2D again, though. He doesn’t have that type of hatred to do so anymore. But that didn’t make anything easier. He swallowed thickly, “...I don’t know.”

“You don’t know.” 2D repeated, a twinge of anger coming back into his tone. 

“Look-”

“Did it fuckin slip your mind? Is dementia kickin in early?”

Murdoc felt his defenses rise and he looked back at him with a snarl, “You know how long ago it was? You think I remember all of-”

“Fuck off, you can’t just ‘forget’ that.”

“I-”

“You know what you did to me that night?”

“2D-”

“You  _ destroyed _ me, Murdoc.”

“...”

“I was broken after that. It fucked me up for a long time. You can’t just say that you forgot! That it meant nothing to-”

“ _ I WAS SCARED, ALRIGHT _ ??” Murdoc gritted his teeth. 2D jumped and shied away some, but continued to stare at Murdoc in surprise, “That night at Kong Studios I just...I was scared. Scared of fucking admitting anything. Relationships never worked out for me and anything good was always going to go away.” He sighed and hunched forward some. “I never...was good with shit like that. If you just wanted to fuck that’d be different, but you...you  _ cared _ and I...I...did too.” The words felt like acid burning in his chest and bubbling up through his throat. It hurt to say them out loud, but it’s been a real bitch to keep them inside for so long. “And I don’t know why you’d fucking like me. After all I did to you then. And now, everything before this…” he shook his head, “I was scared and I took it out on you.”

2D stared at him, a heavy silence settling between them once more. He opened his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. What the other said was a confession, but not an apology. Though it was a start. After a while 2D fumbled with the nearly finished cigarette, shifting it between his fingers, “...Scared of what? You knew I liked you.”

“...But then you’d figure out what I’m really like and...I figured you’d leave.”

“Murdoc you hit me with your car. Put me into a coma and knocked out both my eyeballs.” 2D huffed, “I don’t know how much worse you could be after that.”

“You know what I mean.” Murdoc shot back. They were silent for a moment before Murdoc sighed with annoyance,“Why did you fucking like me then, huh?” Murdoc looked at him with narrowed eyes, “All I ever fuckin did was hurt you. Why me?”

“Why?” he repeated. That caused a heavy sigh to come out of the singer. 2D stared forward, chewing on his bottom lip as he mulled things over. “Well, you’re narcissistic, selfish, mental, greedy, delusional, a smart ass and disgusting.” Murdoc frowned at him, but 2D continued. “But I realized then that you weren’t just the prick you made yourself out to be.” 2D tapped some stray ashes to the floor. “I started noticing things after we formed Gorillaz. Like how hard you worked and that everything you did was always for the band. You’re charismatic and genuinely love the fans; always happy to talk to ‘em and stuff. Helping them when they need it, too” he leaned back, “Plus you’re really talented, when you’re not drunk off your ass. But most important was...you cared. You care about all of us a lot. Even if you don’t show it that well...or even know how to show it.” 2D smiled faintly before looking back down at the ground. “I thought you were just complicated and alone. And I wanted to be with you.” The smile faded and he furrowed his brows, “After that night though...I thought that I was wrong. Just an idiot seein’ things that weren’t there and maybe I didn’t know you at all.”

Murdoc could only stare at 2D as the other took a long drag. The anger and bitterness was gone from the bassist’s expression and he was just...at a loss for words. All this time, he never truly understood why 2D had liked him. Even on Plastic Beach he couldn’t make any sense of it. But now...Murdoc scoffed and shook his head, “You really thought all that?” When the other nodded, he hesitated before asking, “You still think all that now?”

2D closed his eyes for a moment and Murdoc thought he could see the years of torment and enjoyment passing through his mind. Memories of the good and the bad. After a while he opened them and let out a sigh, “I don’t know.” he looked at Murdoc. “How could I know? Even without all the shit that went down...we’ve never even been together.”

“Mhm...we’ve been at each other’s throats more than anything else. More or less.” Murdoc looked down before back up at the other, “I still...I still feel the same. For you. Before. Like before, I mean.” he looked away uncomfortably. “Just so you know.” A snort of laughter from 2D caught him off guard and he snapped his gaze back to him, “What?? I’m just saying it!”

2D laughed again, some tension easing off of them, “I know, I know it’s just...you sound so bloody awkward.”

“Fuck you I told you I’m not used to this shit.” he waves a dismissive hand toward the other, but he doesn’t hold the anger for long. “....so what now?”

“I don’t know. I know things are...mixed up but...maybe we should just start off somewhere safer?” he meets Murdoc’s questioning look, “Like...friends?”

“Friends?” Murdoc ponders it over. He’s never had any sort of past romantic tryst begin with them being ‘friends’. It was usually a ‘we fuck or don’t’ type of scenerio. Even the few people he could loosely call friends were strictly just that. But if he wanted to get anywhere with 2D...hell, if he wanted to get the other to trust him again...then friends seemed like a good place to start. Murdoc slowly nodded, “Alright, yeah. Friends.”

A half smile spread across the singer's face and he looked up toward the stars. Murdoc followed suit, feeling the tightness in his chest finally unwind a little. The mood settles to something simpler and things feel...lighter. Not quite like everything was over but it was a start. Maybe, for once, Murdoc wouldn’t fuck this up. 

-

Murdoc was fucking this up. Okay, well, kind of fucking it up. 

Friends, it turns out, came to them easier than either of them thought. When they weren’t being assholes to each other on purpose, they got along pretty well. Sure they teased one another, but nothing malicious like before. Murdoc wasn’t sure if he’s ever smiled or laughed as much as he did in these past few weeks. Even Russel and Noodle took note of their new relationship. Both were hesitant, though seemed to only want the best for their bandmates and said nothing. All in all, their friendship was doing great. But it wasn’t the ‘friend’ bit that was the issue.

From what Murdoc understood, friends were supposed to be a platonic relationship type thing. Like how he felt toward Noodle and Russel. The more he spent with 2D, however, the less platonic this friendship was becoming. They’d be at an interview joking around and then he’d just have the urge to put an arm around him and pull him close. Or they’d be working on music and he’d want to lean over and kiss him just because he felt like it. Little things that surely weren’t what ‘friends only’ did. That wasn’t even mentioning those ever present sexual thoughts he had about 2D since the beginning.

The immediate attraction may not seem like much of a surprise given how they’ve both been in love with each other since the start of the band. But Murdoc  _ really _ didn’t want to fuck this up. He didn’t want to ruin a good thing by trying to jump in too early. Things were getting better but...fuck he wanted to be more than just friends. His concern with taking that step forward was with 2D, though. Would he want to move on already? It’s only been a few months and they were making decent progress on the album. They were in a good place but still, he didn’t want to rush him if he wasn’t ready. He’s hurt 2D enough, he doesn’t want to push it. 

But this kind of, barely qualifiable, ‘selfless behavior’ was hard. Murdoc was not used to putting others before himself and while he did care for 2D, he hated the impatient and agitated feeling in his chest. He felt smothered and he didn’t know how to handle it. Just being in the singer’s presence uplifted him as much as it brought him down. And it wasn’t like he could go to Russel or Noodle for advice. Neither of them were aware of what was going on. Or at the very least, Murdoc didn’t want them to know specifics because he knew what they were going to say. That he was being childish and selfish and that he was a shitty person for thinking this way etc, etc. As if he didn’t already know.

“Murdoc, wait!”

Ignoring 2D’s calls, Murdoc pushed through the heavy doors and out into the alley way. The video for Strobelite had finished a couple hours ago, though the shoot had quickly turned into a wrap party for the damn thing. A well needed one, seeing as how many takes were needed to make up the stupid dance scene; not counting the times 2D tripped over his own feet. Murdoc had already grown tired of filming it the second they started recording for the first take. Russel was lucky enough to get to sleep through the whole thing while 2D and Noodle spent the past few hours on the dance floor. Any other time Murdoc would have found it hilarious and entertaining to watch. But watching 2D dance and flaunt himself around the dance floor, even if it was with Noodle, gave him a twinge of jealousy. One even he recognized was ridiculous and unjustified. Either way, Murdoc had been in a shit mood for the past few weeks now and tonight it just all accumulated into something unbearable.

Murdoc cussed under his breath as he slipped on his jacket and adjusted the collar. He didn’t know where he was heading, but he’d figure it out on the way. Though before he could go far, the doors opened again and 2D stepped out. Murdoc started walking away, but the singer caught sight of him and quickly went after him. “Murdoc!” He quickly caught up with the other, using his longer strides to his advantage. “Where are you going?”

“Anywhere other than here.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter. Go back inside, I’m-”

Murdoc was taken aback as 2D stepped in front of him, “I’m not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.”

“Nothing is-”

“These past few weeks you’ve been acting like an asshole to all of us. You don’t talk, don’t hang out with us no more...even during the video you look bloody pissed.” 2D frowned, “What’s the matter? I thought everything was going fine.”

“Everything  _ is _ fine. I just want fresh air, is that too much to fucking ask for?”

Unconvinced by his words, 2D crossed his arms, looking down at him with a scowl. “Muds, I know something is wrong with you.” Murdoc opened his mouth to argue but 2D added, “I know what you look like when you’re angry.”

Murdoc hesitated before shutting his mouth. Damn 2D, he was getting ballsier since Plastic Beach. It made him angry yet a little pleased as well. Just a little.“...Okay, fine. I am annoyed, happy now?”

Well, it was a start, “Annoyed about what? If it’s about the video we can add you dancing too-”

“It’s not about the bloody video!” 

“Then what is it? I won’t know what’s pissing you off if you don’t tell me.”

_ Well that’s the problem. I don’t want you to know _ , he thought to himself. Murdoc tightened the grip on his arms and looked to the side, trying to think of how to word it. “...Things are going great as friends, yeah?” 2D nodded, “I think things are fucking fantastic. It’s nice to not be... _ like that _ anymore. I like it but…” he shook his head, “I just...I want things to be better. I want us to be...more, already.” 

2D looked at him for a moment, “More? Like...more than friends?”

“Yes, but-fuck! It’s only been a few months and I don’t know if that’s too...if it’s too soon. So I haven’t said anything but-” Murdoc ran his hands through his hair, “It pisses me off that I can’t...be with you like that! That I can’t do more with you but at the same time I don’t wanna make it seem like I just wanna fuck you, ya know?” he let his hands drop to his sides. 

“...So...you’re pissed because we aren’t together? That we can’t do romantic-y things?”

“...Yes.”

The singer snickered, though held up his hands when Murdoc gave him a look, “Muds, why didn’t you just bring it up?”

“I didn’t want to freak you out or pressure you if you weren’t ready. And...I didn’t know what to do if you said no.”

2D’s expression was a complicated one and Murdoc chose to look away, not enjoying this vulnerability at all. However the other soon spoke up, “You were actually being considerate for once.”

“I guess. So?”

“And it almost killed you.” 2D grinned, far too amused by the situation. 

“Fuck you.” 

2D laughed but gave him a sympathetic smile, “No, no! It’s nice, to be honest. And unexpected. But it’s...different from you. And I like it.” Murdoc grumbled, still not happy with the situation. But he did look up when 2D moved closer. “...It has been a good couple of months. Things felt...good. But, I kinda feel like you do too.”

Murdoc still seemed annoyed by the other’s amusement, but his expression softened a bit, “Why ‘kind of’?”

That prompted a grimace out of the other, “I like you Murdoc, and I like how things are turning out but...I still feel uneasy sometimes. Like you’ll go back to before. I know you said you wouldn’t,” he shrugged, “But it’s hard to forget.” Murdoc didn’t argue with that and kept his mouth shut, “...But you actually thinking about my feelings is a nice change.” 

Murdoc huffed, but then smiled slightly. It was kind of good, wasn’t it? He’d pat himself on the back for that one, later. “So what now? What do you think?” 2D chewed on his bottom lip, thinking it over. Logic and desire were pulling in different directions and even Murdoc knew that he was conflicted. Murdoc was too. But looking at the other, he was reminded of Kong Studios again. Not about their fallout, but the moments before that. The calm before the storm when the two of them were dealing with their own festering feelings for one another. 

“...I think...I wouldn’t mind if we gave it a try.” 2D said with a tentative smile. Though that smile grew when Murdoc smiled back. “But you gotta promise me something, Murdoc.”

“What is it?”

“That you’re not going to go back to how you were before. I’m not askin you to be a different person but to actually give a shit about the band. About us.” 

Murdoc met 2D’s serious gaze with a softened expression. He wanted to make some sort of grand promise or proclamation that he’d change...but Murdoc didn’t want to pigeon hold himself into something he couldn’t do. Looking into 2D’s blackened eyes, however, melted him a little. He couldn’t promise much, nut he could at least promise to try, he supposed. “I will do my best.” he said with a nod. There was a pause before Murdoc moved closer and 2D followed suit. Fuck, he had been waiting for this since the beginning. To finally touch 2D like how he wanted. To feel his singer’s lips against his own. Murdoc moved a hand to rest behind 2D’s head, carefully burying his fingers in soft blue locks as he gently pulled the other closer-

Only for 2D to suddenly pull away. Murdoc looked at him with surprise and worry, wondering if he did something wrong, only for the idiot to turn to the side and sneeze. “Sorry, sorry.” he said, sniffling and looking back at Murdoc with slight embarrassment. 

The singer gave a shiver and Murdoc huffed, “You’re cold. Where’s your bloody jacket?”

“Well I didn’t have time to grab it! I was chasin after you.”

“So it’s my fault.” Murdoc shook his head before shrugging off his jacket and handing it to the other. “Here. Put it on before you catch something. Last thing we need is you losin your voice.” 2D hesitated before slipping the jacket on, smiling to himself as he was surrounded by warmth. Murdoc rolled his eyes as 2D hugged the jacket closer to himself, “I’m not giving it to you permanently, by the way. I expect it back later. Don’t think you’re going to do that thing broads do and steal jackets.”

2D laughed, “Muds?”

“What?” he asked, looking down to adjust his shirt.

The question was met with 2D cupping Murdoc’s face. The bassist’s mind came to an abrupt halt and he looked up in surprise. He felt slightly calloused fingertips brush against his cheek as the other’s thumb brushed against his bottom lip. Then the singer leaned forward and kissed him. It only lasted a moment before he pulled back a little, “Thanks.” he said with a slight smirk. Murdoc let out a breathy laugh before he moved his hands up to cup 2D’s face and pulled him back into another, more passionate kiss.

Murdoc had spent hours imagining what it would be like to kiss 2D. If his lips would be soft or chapped, what he’d taste like and if the other would be confident or meek with his actions. They were questions he never thought he’d get the answer for and yet here they were. His lips were soft, though he could feel a slight prickle of the other’s unkempt facial hair against his skin. When he swiped his tongue against his, he tasted like cigarettes and raspberry jam. And when he moved forward, using his height to his advantage to loom over Murdoc, the bassist was pleasantly surprised that the other was not meek at all. Not in the slightest. 

They pulled away and they stared at one another before suddenly, they laughed. Neither of them were sure why but it just felt right. 2D moved to drape his arms over Murdoc’s shoulders and he returned the gesture by putting his hands on the singer’s hips, pulling him a bit closer, “It’s not funny, you know.” 2D noted.

“You laughed first, idiot.” Murdoc smirked up at him, “So...together now?”

“Yeah. As long as you don’t do something stupid.”

“Hey, I’m a changed man. Besides,” he squeezed his hips, “I’m not going to give this up anytime soon. Not when I finally get to be with you.” 2D laughed but Murdoc was quick to pull him into another kiss, enjoying this moment far too much. For once, everything was forgotten. It was just the two of them and Murdoc couldn’t imagine it any other way.


	2. On Top Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc's in prison and 2D is not making the situation any better.

Why was it that exes always looked so fucking attractive  _ after _ the break up? 

Granted, the two never officially broke off their relationship. There wasn’t really any time to do so when the good ol’ police came and took him to prison. But the look 2D had given him as he was dragged out of that god forsaken place was more than enough to show that their relationship was more or less in the air. Murdoc expected that it was a talk the two were destined to have. Not that he was anticipating it. Either way, the other looked absolutely fantastic once Murdoc spotted him as he entered the visiting area. Freshly shaved, hair styled nicely and oh  _ Hell _ did he look good in that leather jacket. Kinda looks like one Murdoc himself owned, but with less wear. The other’s whole look had to be on purpose, though most likely it was a punishment rather than a reward. If the singer’s expression was anything to go by and the obvious fact he could not put his hands on his singer like he wanted. 

Despite Murdoc being eager to see him, 2D did not seem amused in the slightest as Murdoc was sat down across from the other with three inches of thick glass between them. It was there for safety, though at this point Murdoc wasn’t sure if it was there for the singer’s benefit or his own. Especially given the uncharacteristically angry look the singer was giving him. Once he was settled and the guards walked off Murdoc took in a deep breath before offering a bright smile to the other. He picked up the phone and waited a moment until 2D did the same. “2D! How’s my lovely little honey pot doing?”

“Great, actually. Been pretty happy lately.”

“That’s great, that’s great! Glad to know you’re surviving without me.” 2D narrowed his eyes and Murdoc cleared his throat, “I’m glad you took some time out of your day to decide to come and visit me...where are the others?”

“They’re busy for today. They’d come...but they didn’t want to.”

“They at least send a ‘hello’ for me?”

“No, don’t think so.” 2D leaned forward, “Also, I didn’t plan to come here, originally. You left a drunk voicemail on my phone begging me to come see you. Don’t you remember?”

Damn that prison pruno. Tasted like shit, but stronger than anything sold at the pub, “Well, you came and I’m really glad to see you.”

2D hummed and looked him over, “Another fight, huh?”

“A little scrap, was all. Nothing to worry about.”

“I didn’t say I was worried.”

Oh great, it was going to be like that. Deciding to drop the happy act, Murdoc groaned and ran a hand across his face, “Look, love. I didn’t mean to get mucked up in all of this. It’s all a big-”

“Four months.” 2D leaned forward, “We were only together for  _ four _ months before you fucked up again.” 

Only four? Murdoc could have swore it felt longer. He wished it had been longer, to be honest. Only being able to stay good for ‘four’ months felt kind of pathetic. “And what a lovely four months it was, darling. And it’s still-”

“Stop using pet names for me, Murdoc. I’m not going to be any less angry just ‘cause you’re trying to be sweet.”

“Fine.” he grumbled, “Stu, I know this all looks bad but you can’t blame me for all this. I was set up and everything just kind of fell off. I never met for things to get this bad.” 

“I don’t care!” he threw a hand up in exasperation, “You promised me that you were going to be better. That you wouldn’t do this kind of shit again.”

“To be fair, I said I would try my best.” 2D’s frowned deepened and Murdoc winced, “And I still am! None of this is my fault, plus it’s just me in prison. No harm done to you or anyone else.” 

2D sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at him, “Your fault or not, you...put yourself in trouble. Again. And now you’re in jail, leaving us  _ again _ before we start recording another album! You did fuck us over.” 

“I-”

“You can’t even pretend to give a damn about being in prison?” Murdoc looked off to the side. It wasn’t the first time that he had abandoned Gorillaz one way or another. First with Demon Days, then...Plastic Beach… “You said things would be different. Not just when we got together, but when the whole band came back. You said you were different, and that this was going to be a new Gorillaz...but it turned out to be just a lie. Again.”

Murdoc looked down before back up at 2D, “It’s...I just…” he scratched the back of his head, “I care. I do. It’s just hard to-”

“Of course.” 2D scoffed, leaning back in his seat. “I’d never expect anything more from you than your shitty excuses. The trick’s getting old, you know.”   
  


Murdoc felt his anger spike up and he threw a hand up in annoyance. “You don’t know what I’m thinking. It’s bloody hard, okay? I have...a lot to deal with and everything is not all fucking sunshine and bloody fucking rainbows alright? I don’t get to sit back and just wait for directions like you do.” It was a low blow that back fired rather quickly. 

However 2D was not taking the insult, “Sod off. We  _ both  _ work on the albums, we all work on them. Just because you come up with the ideas, doesn’t mean we, the rest of the band, don’t have to spend a huge amount of effort shaping whatever crude, jumped up mess of a concept that you throw at our feet into something enjoyable.” Murdoc frowned, but said nothing against it. So 2D continued, “I know you, Murdoc. I’ve been by your side for two decades and I’ve heard the same excuses over and over. Every shitty thing you do is to save face and benefit you, because nothing will ever be enough for you.”

Murdoc couldn’t say anything to counter what 2D said, because it was true. But it also wasn’t the whole truth. Though how does he even begin to explain that? “Stu…”

“I’m pissed at you, but I’m... It’s...“ 2D’s expression was still angry, but there was a somber edge to it. Something...more complicated. “I knew this was going to happen. And I still...trusted you. Still put blind faith that you were going to change.” 

“I am changing. You know that.”

“All I know is that my fucking boyfriend is gone  _ again _ and...I don’t know how to feel about that.” he sighed, “I’m...I’m just...confused. Confused and...angry. But happy too?” he shook his head as he rubbed his eyes with his free hand. 

Murdoc frowned, looking away in shame. He didn’t want to cause 2D anymore problems...and yet here he was again, causing him pain. The other was already unsure of their relationship to begin with, and Murdoc worried that this would finally sway the blue haired singer into the opposite direction. An apology sat at the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t find the words before 2D was speaking again.

“Look, I’m not here to talk about that. Not really. I came here to tell you I’m writing the next album. I’m taking over this time. And I need to focus, so...” 

Murdoc felt his heart drop into his gut and he stared at 2D, mouth gaping, for a few moments. He remembered his fears, remembered how everyone he knew left at some point or another. And it was going to happen again, wasn’t it? This was finally it. “And you want to break up.”

2D stared at Murdoc for a moment, a number of emotions going through his mind before, finally, he let out a heavy sigh, “No.” he shook his head, “I won’t...do that to you. Yet.” he frowned, “I should, but whether I break up with you or not, it’s not like anything will be any different. You’d still be in there, I’d still be out here.” 2D sighed and pushed some hair back, “But I’m not coming back to visit you either. This is the last visit. And I don’t know when I’ll come back. Maybe after the album is finished.”

Murdoc let out a breath, feeling some weight fall off his chest. However, hearing the other would, not only be gone, but be taking over, did give him a whole other load of emotions. “Ah...so...you’ll write it. And write it well, right?”

“I can write music, Murdoc.”

“Right, right. I know, I know.”

The two looked away, an awkward silence falling between them. Murdoc was the first to look back, taking in 2D again with more contemplation. A constant companion, mortal enemy, a brand new lover...and now the temporary leader of the band. What a difference from that catatonic teenager he had been forced to watch over decades ago. It was amazing, really, how far they’ve come. He gave a slight smile at that…but it also reminded Murdoc how much further 2D was separating himself. How the younger man needed him less and less with each passing phase. Even if they were together, technically, 2D didn’t seem as lost as Murdoc felt without him being by his side. If anything, he seemed to be in much better spirits. And that twisted something in Murdoc’s gut.

2D’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket and gave a brief look over the text, “I got to go. Ace is hungry and doesn’t want to wait in the car anymore.” 2D sighed and slipped the phone back in his pocket. “I think our time is almost up anyways.”

“Ace, huh?” It’s his turn to narrow his eyes, “Are you dropping him off at a restaurant?”

“No, we’re goin’ to eat at a pub we saw on the way here. Not that he can drink, but he wants to know how a British pub looks like compared to ones back in the States. Maybe get some new clothes too.”

“So the rest of the band is going to meet you there?”

“No. Russel and Noodle are binge watching the _ Friday the 13th _ series. Then  _ Halloween _ . They’re stayin in for the next two days or so.”

“Mhm…sounds like you are all real busy to me.”

“It sucks coming to visit in a prison, you know. Too many steps and it’s not like you’re wrongly accused.”

“I am!”

“Sure.”

  
“Whatever. Interestin’ that Ace just decided to sit in the car and wait for you, huh? Usually not a patient man.”

“He doesn’t like prisons, so he wouldn’t wanna waste time here. Plus his contract said he can’t do anything too ‘adult’. Prisons are kinda adult, no?”

“Oh but dates are alright?”

2D gave him a questioning look...before it clicked and he started standing up with a scoff, “Really, Murdoc? You think I’m-” Murdoc gave a glare that would have been more intimidating if it weren’t for the slight pout he had. It made 2D actually laugh a little, expression becoming amused, though also a bit annoyed. “Murdoc, we’re just friends. He’s a nice bloke-nicer than  _ you _ .”

“But he’s just a replacement bandmate, okay? And he’s an actor, different strokes. Wouldn’t work.”

“I don’t know, he plays real lovely. Could take up music if he’s into it.” 2D’s smirk widened as Murdoc looked offended. “I’m just saying. Might even give him a big part in one of my songs.”

“I swear to god if I find out you fucked Ace while I’m-”

“It’s just a joke. I’m not going to do anything with Ace.”

“Or anyone else!"

2D laughed, looking away as he shook his head. “You’re such a dumbass.” he said, though it sounded much too affectionate to be condescending. 

Still, it did little to make Murdoc feel any less anxious. “I mean it. Hate me all you want but please don’t sleep with Ace. Promise?”

Another buzz from his pocket and 2D laughed, “You’re an idiot.” he adjusted his jacket and hair, “Behave in there.” he said, putting his hand against the glass briefly before walking off.

“Hey-hey!” Murdoc growled as he felt the guards grab him and haul him off. “Promise me!”

2D flipped off Murdoc as he walked away, “Fuck off, Muds.”

  
Murdoc frowned as 2D disappeared from sight and then Murdoc was handcuffed once more. He felt agitated and jealous. Not only because of Ace, but because of the realization that 2D  _ was _ going to lead the band. And Murdoc, despite constantly berating the other and his music talent, knew it would be  _ great _ . Great, and without Murdoc in it. Without him  _ needing _ to be in it. The bassist cast a look behind him at the empty chair before he faced forward, going down the halls of the prison as he was escorted back. If 2D wanted to play that ‘jealousy’ game, then so be it. Murdoc could play and he would bring in their fans to help. After all, everyone would root for an underdog in prison, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates every Friday
> 
> Also wanna know what I listen to when writing 2doc? Check out my playlist c:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4nRAIKvY6FpioU2MJLGCKZ?si=9Vep1JpWQq6F2MdUkzKAwQ


	3. Forgive to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc returns to make amends with 2D. Though perhaps that's not what the real issue is.

“You’re terrible.”

“I’m aware.”

Murdoc looked over at Noodle who was shaking her head as she drove them back to the flat. After finding out her revenge/rescue mission was useless since Murdoc was never in any danger, she had spent the rest of the trip telling him off. He couldn’t bring himself to argue with her about anything she said, though. It’s not like she said anything that wasn’t true.

“Parking tickets-” she scoffed and shook her head, “You are a pitiful liar. All you wanted was attention because 2D was in charge for once, right? Did you plan all this just to try and mess him up?” 

“...No.” he winces as she shoots him a glare. 

“Well it did not work. Even if you got some attention, 2D’s album was a success. Everyone loves it.” 

“Course they did.”

“Because it’s about you?” she says with an edge of sarcasm, glaring straight ahead.

_ Because 2D made it _ , he thought to himself. The album was so uniquely the singer's style that he couldn’t help but be reminded of his blue haired lover in every note and word. Murdoc was always aware of 2D’s talent...but it hurt to see it displayed without his help or input. It was a reminder that if 2D ever wanted to leave Gorillaz, he could. Hell, they all could...except Murdoc himself. “Well everyone loves Gorillaz. Doesn’t matter who made it, they’d love it.” He said, shrugging off her words.

A few curses in Japanese get uttered, but he doesn’t even bother to translate them in his head; too tired and anxious to even try. There’s a few moments of silence before eventually Noodle sighs, “I know you do not apologize. Ever.” She glanced at him, “But you have a  _ lot  _ to make up for, Murdoc. I mean it. You owe us.”

“...yeah. I know.” He looked out the window, “I know I do.”

“Are you going to do it, though?”

The bassist looked at her and gave a nod, “I will. I know I fucked up and...I want to at least try and make things alright. I said things would be different and I meant that.”

Noodle contemplates what he says for a moment, before smiling a bit, “Good.” she looks at the road, “You can start with me.”

“Alright, what do you want?”

“Hmm…” she tilts her chin up as she thinks it over, “I want a car.”

“What kind?”

“1969 Chevrolet Camaro. The one you had.”

“Ah, alright, I can find one for-”

“I want the  _ exact  _ same one. The Stylo.”

“...it’s in pieces.”

“I know.” she smirks at him, “Fix it for me, and I will feel better. Put in some effort, old man.”

Murdoc gives her a look of disbelief but she merely smirks. Ah, so that’s how it was going to be. Still he can’t help but chuckle a bit and smile. Looks like she inherited  _ some  _ decent traits from him. It was refreshing to know she could hustle. “Fine, fine. It’s going to take some time, alright?”

“That’s fine. Russel also wants you to build him a boxing gym. A nice one with all kinds of art. And a fez, too. He lost his in a taxi. And you are in charge of housework for at least three months.”

“Alright, but why the housework?”

“He said it is because you are an asshole and deserve it.”

Murdoc rolls his eyes but grumbles, “Fuck it, fine, fine. I guess I’ll be the band’s personal bitch for a while.” he crosses his arms and looks out the window, taking in the passing sights. “...what did 2D ask for?”

At that, Noodle’s smile fell and expression became more complicated. “Nothing.” 

The answer did little to help him feel better. The last time he had contact with 2D hadn’t exactly gone well. The only positive being that they weren’t ‘technically’ separated, though it felt like it. After that, he had only seen the singer on tv during interviews. He looked so...free; Without a care in the world. Did Murdoc really suffocate him that much? The answer was obvious and yet it still hurt all the same. “ I’ll have to ask him, then.”

“You  _ will  _ ask him.  _ And _ make him feel better.” It felt more like a threat than a statement of agreement and Murdoc merely nodded. “It will make you feel better too.” she said a bit softer. After that they fell silent with Noodle switching the radio back on to let Murdoc get lost in thought. 

\---

Walking back into the flat felt foreign and familiar at the same time. So much remained and yet there were new things added and old things removed. A physical reminder of how long he had been gone from the band. It wasn’t the longest they’ve been apart, but it was the first time he openly regretted it. He dropped his things down with a relieved sigh before stretching his back.

“ただいま!” Noodle followed suit and set her things to the side. 

“Not much has changed...new couch I see.” 

“Yes. It had to be replaced.”

“Oh yeah? What happened to the old one?”

“We are not sure. One morning it was suddenly broken.” she gave a shrug, “Ace and 2D said it was their fault and they would buy a new one.”

“...What?”

“They said it was because they were ‘playing games’. Must have been very intense to break a couch in two.”

A spike of anxiety went through his chest and he opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to say. But another voice soon joined in, “Don’t mess with him too much, Noodle.” Russel appeared from the kitchen, chuckling a bit, “Old man’s gunna have a stroke.”

“彼はそれに値する。” Noodle smiled and gave Russel a hug before turning to look back at Murdoc with a smug look, “I am just kidding. All of us were playing ‘the floor is lava’ and we all jumped on it and broke it.”

“2D told us what you said last time you two spoke. Couldn’t help but mess with ya a bit.”

“Oh...oh. Good-good one. Got me...real good.” Murdoc let out a wheeze as the tension in his shoulders dropped. Ah, so that’s how  _ that _ felt like. He had never been in a committed enough relationship to ever feel ‘cheated on’ and now he hated it. But that was neither here nor there, because there was someone else he needed to see. “Where’s-”

“His room upstairs. Shouldn’t be busy.” Russel gives Noodle a look which she returns with a nod before heading off into the kitchen. “Be nice.” he warns before following Noodle. 

Murdoc was left standing alone in the living room before sighing and heading up the stairs. On one hand, he felt as if he was over exaggerating because of his anxiety. It’s not like 2D was going to punch him the second they met and it had been months since they spoke. All ill feelings have to be settled by now, right? On the other hand, it wasn’t so much 2D’s wrath he worried about, but rather that 2D may feel nothing at all. Who’s to say the singer didn’t come to his senses and decide to cut things off now that Murdoc was back? 2D had said so himself, he didn’t give breaking up much thought because he had been in prison and there’d be no point in having the conversation. But now the singer could very well decide that he’d rather cut ties with Murdoc than force himself to stay in this relationship any further. 

The possibilities made his stomach turn but he strengthened his resolve as he stopped in front of 2D’s door. The sound of guitar chords were faintly heard from inside. He gave a knock, “2D? It’s me.”

“...Alright.”

Murdoc took in a deep breath before he opened it. 2D was sitting on the bed, messing about with a guitar. He seemed calm, but the slight glare on the singer’s face said otherwise. Still, seeing him physically there brought a slight smile to his face, “I’m back.” he looked the other over, “You look good.” 

“Mhm.” He didn’t stop idly playing, eyes half closed as he kept his gaze down. 

“...I heard the album. It was...bloody great. Real old school, loved it.” he paused and scratched the back of his head, “Especially the last song.”

2D stopped strumming and looked at him, eyes, now a bright white, staring at him expectantly. “Noodle told us what happened. About the parking tickets and the yak.” he paused, “What did you do with the yak?”

“Uh, gave it to a farmer. Nice old lady, promised to take care of it.” Murdoc fully stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. 

“That’s good.” 2D crossed his arms as he draped over the guitar slightly, expression unreadable. 

“Yeah, yeah.” he digs through his pocket, “I, uh, got you this.” he drops the item in 2D’s hands. 

“What’s this?”

“A rock!”

“A rock?”

“Yeah, well, maybe. Found it on the side of the road. Looks interesting.”

“Hmm, thanks.” he set it aside.

2D was staring at him expectantly and Murdoc knew what he was waiting for. There was no denying the inevitable. “...I know I fucked up. With everything. And I said I tried my best but I know- you know- I could have been...better.`` 

“Mhm.” The singer raises a brow.

Murdoc looked away as he scratched the back of his head. “I should have been better for you.” 

Long fingers gently drummed against the wood of the guitar, “Will you be better?”

“I want to be better.”

“But  _ will _ you?” 

Murdoc doesn’t respond. Not because he doesn’t want to but because he doesn’t want to make a promise that he can’t keep. But fuck, does he want to be better. He wants to be someone worthy of 2D’s time. He wants to be the man that he deserves and then some. A part of him wishes they could go back to before the Gorillaz. Back when the two of them were working out of Murdoc’s flat at 2am with an ashtray full of cigarette butts and papers strewn about. When the only thing fueling them was inspiration, booze and the experimental music they created. When it was a simpler time. But at the same time another part shuns the idea. Despite all the shit and terribleness that came throughout the years, there was so much good too. So much growth and love. It was a rollercoaster of emotions and heartbreak yet, for once, Murdoc couldn’t find it in his heart to want to forget any of it. Those memories had become precious to him.

“I hurt you...and I don’t want to do it again. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just...want to be with you.” he pauses before hanging his head, “I’m... **_I’m sorry_ ** .” 

Murdoc shuts his eyes when he hears the guitar get placed on the ground. He’s ready to be yelled at or told to sod off once and for all. But none of that happens. Instead 2D’s long arms wrap tightly around the bassist. Murdoc opens his eyes wide in confusion and surprise; going rigid as he’s unsure how to respond to the sudden hug. But then 2D whispers, “I missed you.” 

And like that the tension faded and Murdoc found himself falling in love with him all over again. He returns the hug quickly, holding him close as he presses his face against 2D’s shoulder, “I missed you too.” he grips his shirt tightly, letting himself feel vulnerable for a moment. None of it feels deserved, but he couldn’t even pretend to give a damn about any of that right now. Because his singer was back in his arms and Murdoc had no fucking intention of letting him go again. Without much thought Murdoc grabbed a fist full of 2D’s hair and pulled him down into a deep kiss. The singer was quick to return it, moving his lips against his...for all of two seconds before the kiss was cut off abruptly by 2D who shoved him away. Panic replaced pleasure and he quickly let go, taking a step back, “Oh, fuck. Sorry, I thought-I didn’t mean to...” he stopped when 2D was looking at him with, not anger, but disgust as he held a hand over his mouth and nose.

“Murdoc you  _ reek _ .”

“Ah,” His shoulders relaxed though he gave a slightly apologetic shrug. “Well...it’s been a long journey, you know. Yak’s aren’t well known for their floral perfume of a scent. Wading through shit doesn’t help either.”

2D gagged and stuck his tongue out as he wrinkled his nose,“Go take a bath. It’s fucking terrible.”

Murdoc scoffs, “Have pity on me? I’ve only just gotten back.” he smirks and holds his arms open, “And I am in need of my lovely singer’s attention.”

“ _ No _ . You are bloody filthy. I am not going anywhere near you when you stink like that.”

Murdoc pouted but thought for a moment before deciding to shoot his shot once more. Just one more time. “Weeeell it  _ would _ be nice to have some company in the bath, ya know. Maybe some help. That way we can…’catch up’.”

2D gives him a blank look before smirking, “Alright.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah. Come on, then. Let’s have a bath together, yeah?”

Murdoc growled in anticipation, “Lead the way,  **darling** ~.”

\---

“You know...I had something else in mind when I asked for company.”

“I know.”

“I thought we’d-”

“I know.”

“You tricked me.”

“I did.”

Murdoc grumbled as he leaned over the edge of the bath as 2D poured more lavender scented soap into the water. Rather than ravishing 2D in the bath or being ravished uptop the sink, instead he was being bathed by the other. Damn the brat’s gotten tricky. Wasn’t even fair, 2D still has his clothes on. All he did was roll up his sleeves and pants before taking a seat on the edge of the tub behind Murdoc. “This makes me feel like a mutt being washed at the kennel.”

The singer laughed, grabbing the wash cloth. “From how dirty you were, you might be. We had to change the water out three times cause you turned it all black.”

“Like my soul.”

“Like a sewer.” 2D corrected, ignoring the nudge to his knee by the other, “Besides, I gotta give you some shit for everything that’s happened. You don’t get off ‘scot-free’ or whatever.”

“And so you chose to blue ball your boyfriend after months of no sex.”

“Oh shut up, we’re almost done. Just your hair one more time.”

“You’re cruel.” Still, despite all the bitching, Murdoc had to admit it felt nice to have someone give your back a scrub. Murdoc was mostly washing himself, with 2D merely there for minor support and derision. However as the singer once again began massaging his scalp as he washed Murdoc’s hair, he felt himself go at ease. The bassist let out a pleased growl as he closed his eyes and leaned back against those hands a bit. Then 2D began to hum and at that moment everything just felt so peaceful. It felt...right. But still...

As 2D rinsed Murdoc's hair he opened his eyes and looked up at the singer. “Your album.”

“Mhm?”

“It was about me, wasn’t it?”

2D shrugged, running a hand through Murdoc’s hair, “Most of it, yeah.” he tilted the other’s head back, “What did you think of it?”

“I loved it.” 

“Really?”

“Really. Looks like everyone else did too.”

2D smiled proudly, “Told you I could write music. 

“I never said you couldn’t.” He reached up to mess with 2D’s hair. He always did like his hair. “I just said you couldn’t fuck Ace.”

“I didn’t sleep with him!”

“How can I believe that?” He joked. Murdoc gave a playful glare, tugging on a lock of his hair though 2D merely chuckled, returning the tug with one of his own. He stared up at him for a bit, taking in his boyfriend before his expression got a bit solemn, “...I really am sorry. For...for everything.”

2D’s smile softened, “I know.”

“Do you forgive me?”

“Yes.”

“Then say it.”

He blinked, “What do you mean?”

“All the things that happened, everything that’s happened...everything I did. I just don’t understand how you could really-” his voice trailed off.

“Why not?” When the other gave him a pained look 2D sighed, “Murdoc.” he reached up to grab the hand that was messing with his hair, “What makes you think I don’t forgive you?”

“You’ve never said it.”

“Do I need to?”

Murdoc opens his mouth, about to say _ yes _ because what a stupid question. But 2D looks at him with such affection and peace that he stops. He thinks of where they are now...where they’ve been relationship wise. He thinks of how 2D’s behaved and how much faith the other had, even if it is misplaced at times. And he shuts his mouth, giving the other a complicated look. “...I guess not. I just want you to say it. For my own satisfaction, I suppose.”

“But will you believe me if I said it?”

“...Yes?”

2D laughs a little but smiles at him. The singer brings Murdoc’s hand up to kiss his palm before resting it against his cheek, “I’ll say it when I know you’ll believe it.”

“Why can’t you say it now?” he rubs a thumb against his skin, “You’re just being cheeky, aren’t you? This another punishment?”

“No.” 2D laughs, “I’m not saying it because you  _ know _ I forgave you already. We’re together, aren’t we?” Murdoc nods, “And, even though you did mess up a bit, you haven’t gone back to how you were like before, right?” Another nod. “So what would I be forgiving?”

Murdoc sighs, “It just...it makes me feel better. About before.”

“Will it, though?”

“For Satan’s sake...” he pulls his hand back and rests his head against 2D’s leg. He closes his eyes as 2D runs his fingers through his hair, “I just want to feel forgiven.”

“Well you need to forgive yourself first.” he looks down at Murdoc, “I know you don’t.”

“How’d you figure that?” 

“I know you. And you know me well enough to know that I already forgave you. You just don’t think it’s right because you can’t imagine you forgiving yourself.”

“...Where are you getting all this.”

“Buddhist, remember?”

“Ah.”

2D chuckles, “We can talk about this later. But if it does make you feel better, I can say it.”

“Please do.” 

“Alright.”

Suddenly Murdoc feels 2D move; standing up from his seat at the edge of the tub. He looks over to see the singer suddenly begin stripping down and he feels his mind whiplash at the sudden mood change. 

The bassist stares dumbfoundead as his lover climbs into the tub, neither of them seeming to care as some of the water falls to the floor. 2D moves to settle over Murdoc, climbing onto his lap, “I forgive you, Murdoc.” he smirked as he tilted his chin up, “You know I do.”

“...Thank you.” he soon grins, pulling the other closer, “Let me show you my  _ gratitude _ .” 2D snickers but doesn’t pull away this time when Murdoc kisses him and instead wraps his arms around the other. For once the future, their future, doesn’t seem so bleak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the week skip. Started college again and things caught up to me. However I will have the next chapter out by next Friday. Next chapter is nearly done, just need to rewrite and edit. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr for updates, gorillaz content or just to shoot a message!
> 
> Also wanna know what I listen to when writing 2doc? Check out my playlist


	4. The Lost Chord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now they can move on.

“...To be fair...I didn’t think you’d crash.”

“Well I didn’t think you’d stab me with a fucking needle. So I guess we’re both surprised.”

The fight with 2D had been brief. Murdoc had initially only been worried for the singer who had taken the brunt of the fall. After all it hadn’t been his intention to hurt him. He just wanted to poke him with a syringe; Not make them slam onto the hot asphalt. At least he  _ was _ worried until 2D retaliated by giving him a swift punch to the jaw before jumping Murdoc. 

They struggled for a bit before it was broken up by Russel, who then focused his anger out on Murdoc. Fuck, he forgot how scary and strong the man could be when angry. Though he had a feeling the other was holding back a little. Otherwise he wouldn’t have lasted as long as he did. Not that it really mattered in the long run. The blasted drummer still broke his nose. Sometime during that Noodle stepped in to try and stop it but accidentally caught an elbow to her eye when Russel pulled back for a punch. Murdoc had only been able to land a cheap shot on Russel then before the drummer knocked him out for good. 

When he came to he was lying on the sidewalk with 2D sitting beside him drinking a slurpee. The other band members were sitting in the golf cart at the other end of the parking lot; Both with their backs to him. Fantastic. Murdoc took a few moments to fully recover before he looked up at 2D. The singer didn’t look angry or sad; Just disappointed. Which somehow was worse.

Murdoc couldn’t find it in him to blame him, though. He looked away from him and then back up at the sky. “Why did you punch me?”

“Cause you deserved it.” 2D looked at him with a matching back eye and cut lip. There was blood smeared under his nose, but it didn’t look broken. Lucky him. “You said that if you hurt me again I could fight you.” 

“Alright, fair, fair.” Still, his nose fucking hurt and his neck...stung…? Murdoc reached up to brush his fingers against a fresh bite mark on his skin, “When did you bite me?”

“Don’t remember. It was all a blur when I went face first into the bloody floor.”

“Look , I didn’t mean to make us crash. It was just, ehhh, an experiment. Didn’t think all this would happen.” He lightly touched the bridge of his nose and winced. “Or that Noodle and Russel would be that...touchy.”

“They care, Murdoc. And they worry for me.” He sighed, “For all they knew you stuck me with something poisonous.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you like that.”

“But you still used fucking truth serum.”

“I couldn’t even use it! A fucking waste of forty quid.”

2D shifted his position so he was facing Murdoc. “Why did you even stick me with it?”

Murdoc grimaced and looked to the side before he glanced back up at him, “I just wanted some honest answers…”

2D covered his eyes and groaned. “Then why the  _ fuck _ didn’t you just ask?” 

“I needed to make sure you were being honest!”

“When have I ever lied to you?”

Murdoc frowns because he can’t really think of an example. 2D was fairly upfront and blunt about his thoughts and feelings. Sometimes too much, really. But even if Murdoc had been dating him for about two years now, he still felt as if something was wrong. Not all the time but in those quiet moments by himself, he began to worry. Began to doubt…The paranoia had only gotten worse after the whole band left to record Désolé without him; And then they brought someone else to do the bass for Aries…

He’s always known, to some extent, that the band could survive without him. Even from the very beginning he had been aware that his leadership of the band was replaceable. No one could replace Noodle’s killer guitar, Russel’s cleaver percussion-and  _ no one _ could  _ ever _ replace 2D’s unique and lovely voice. But Murdoc, well, his skills were not so special. If they wanted to move on to form another band then they could. And they had, for a brief point of time, done just that with Ace. But it had been out of necessity because Murdoc physically wasn’t there to perform with them. This time, however, they just...they just  _ left _ . All of them left him behind. It was only for one shoot yet he still couldn’t shake that feeling of fear away. The inevitability that all his shitty actions would finally fuck him over. Then he’d be alone again.

Murdoc slowly pulled himself to a sitting position and sighed. His nose pounded at the movement but he ignored it. “I know you’re honest but...you’re nice too.”

“And?”

“ _ And _ ...I don’t know if you’d be nice over being honest. When answering my questions, at least.”

“I will always tell you the truth.”

“Even if it wasn’t so good?”

“ _ Yes _ .”

“Prove it.”

“You’re a dickhead-does that help you figure it out?” Murdoc snorts out a laugh but regrets it soon after; cussing as he holds his nose. 2D manages a slight smile before reaching over to gently tilt Murdoc’s chin up with the tip of his fingers, trying to help his swelling. “If you wanted to talk, we could have just talked.” 

“I know.”

“I know you know-but why didn’t you do it?”

He shrugs, keeping his head up, “This all seemed, uh, easier?”

2D snickers, more out of disbelief than amusement, “Easier how? Easier for you?”

“I just wanted an honest answer.”

“For what?”

There was a pause and Murdoc looked away, “...I...I feel…” he hesitated, “...I just...feel...useless.” 

2D’s eyebrows go up in surprise, “Useless?”

“Yes fucking useless.” he scoffs, “The band...all of you guys are so...unique. All of you are so talented and different that you don’t...you don’t need me.”

“We’re all adults, Murdoc. We don’t need to be treated like kids, if that’s what you mean.”

“No, that’s not what I fucking mean.” He thought for a moment before letting out an angry sigh, “I’ve been a part of so many bands-all of them failures in one way or another. But this one, our band Gorillaz, was the first one that was successful. The first one that just...that  _ clicked _ . We all  _ clicked _ . It was beautiful.” he huffed, “And for the longest time I’ve always said it’s  _ my _ band.  _ My _ skills are what brought all of it together-”

“You did bring us all together. Some of us were more willing than others, but you did do that.”

“I know; I know I did. And it felt amazing to be part of something that wasn’t a fucking failure for once.”

“But?”

“But that’s it!” he threw his hands up, “All I did was bring you all together. We both wrote the first set of songs, Noodle worked on her own after that, then you worked on your own...I just...I just realized that I’m not...I’m not...needed for this band to be successful. I’m not useful.” He looked down, “Sometimes I wonder if the only reason we were successful was because I found enough greatness to outweigh my shitiness.”

2D stared at Murdoc for a long time, thinking over what he said as the other kept his gaze away. “...you really think all that?”

“I know I sound whiny and stupid but I don’t know why you all stay. It’s been proven I’m an asshole over and over. Even if I’m useless you all still-”

“You don’t have to be useful to be loved or wanted, Murdoc.”

Murdoc froze before looking at 2D with surprise. 

“Even if you were useless, which you aren’t, that doesn’t mean we’d like you any less.” There was a slight smile on the singer’s face, “You’re right. We are fine on our own. We can live on our own and perform on our own. That’s why a lot of blokes go solo, cause they think they can strike it rich by themselves.” he shrugged, “But just because we  _ can _ doesn’t mean we want to do it. Doesn’t mean we have to leave.” 2D brought his knees up to his chest, “ You are our bassist. You  _ are _ important to the band. You brought us together and made it all happen. Every time we stray away, you bring us back together and we make killer music. Even if how we make it is a bit..ehh.” he waves his hand a bit. “ _ Questionable _ ; You still have the bravado to make it happen.”

“But...you don’t really need-” 

“That’s the thing. You worry so much about whether I need you, or the band needs you- It doesn’t  _ matter _ whether we need you or not. We  _ want _ you, Murdoc. We want to be here and we want to be around you. That’s why we want you to be better; cause we care. We’re like a family.” 2D moved closer to Murdoc and put a hand over his. “I love you and I’m always gunna be here. Band or not.” his smile turned a bit playful, “Even when you act like an asshole.” 

Murdoc stared at 2D before pressing his lips together, trying not to tear up in public. It never really occurred to him that 2D and the band just wanted him around because they wanted him to be. Murdoc groans and rests his head on the singer’s shoulder, “Why does it feel like you're lying…”

“Because, like I said ages ago, you don’t really forgive yourself.” Murdoc groans again and 2D laughs, “You know what we all think-it’s just you now that needs to let it go.”

“I can’t.”

“You don’t have to do it right now. You’ll do it when you’re ready.” 

2D puts an arm around him and they lean into one another. Murdoc has his eyes closed for a moment, not sure how he feels. Good? Bad? It was hard to tell, but he enjoyed resting his head on 2D’s shoulder and feeling 2D rest his chin atop his head. It felt...nice.

“...It’s a beautiful day.” 

Murdoc humms, glancing at the red sky. “Yeah...it is.” he’s quiet for a moment before speaking up again, “2D can I ask you something?”

“Mhm?”

\---

The sound of Plastic Beach being destroyed is deafening. Murdoc can only stare in horror as the floating, pink Hell falls to pieces. It’s an image he can only stare at for a second, though, before the lighthouse start’s tilting to one side. He looks down and panics as he starts seeing the building sink lower into the ocean.

_ When do you think I can forgive myself?  _

“Up here!” Murdoc reaches a hand out to his band in desperation, trying to buy them a little more time. Without hesitation Russel turned and lifted Noodle up, helping her scramble to the top of the glass globe. She gave a small gasp as her boots slipped against the smooth surface but Murdoc was quick to grab her hand, “I gotcha, I gotcha…”

_ When you feel like you deserve it.  _

_ I don’t know what that feels like…I don’t think I can forgive myself. _

As soon as Noodle was up and she was securely on top, Murdoc turned his attention back to Russel. The drummer hesitated, looking around as he tried to find a way up. He put a foot on the railing, but he wasn’t tall enough to reach Murdoc’s hand. At least he wasn’t till 2D braced a foot against the railing as well. “Up here!” 2D patted his shoulder. 

“But-”

“I’ll be fine, I can hold you- just be quick!” the singer said. Russel gave a nod and stepped on top of 2D’s shoulder. Murdoc was quick to help pull the drummer over to safety.

_ You will, eventually.  _

_ Will you tell me when I do it? _

_ I don’t think I’ll need to tell you Murdoc.  _

Once he felt Russel’s weight off of him, 2D pushed up against the railing, his height giving him an advantage. However he paused, looking back at the blown up remains of Plastic Beach. The remains of his former prison disappearing into the sea.

“2D! My hand!” Murdoc looked over the edge. 2D didn’t move, seeming lost in thought as he stared ahead. “Stu!” he yelled, but with no success. Looking past the singer he saw the water getting closer and closer as the lighthouse went sideways. Fuck! Murdoc went onto his stomach and reached as far as he could, managing to hook his hands under the other’s arms. With a grunt he lifted 2D up and over the edge, falling back once the other was fully up. 

“A portal!” Noodle pointed at the swirling blue hued opening.

_ How will I know when’s the right time? _

_...I think you’ll figure it out when you need to. When it just all ‘clicks’. _

Russel and Noodle were the first to go through. Murdoc watched as the two disappeared in an instant, safe from the ocean. Relief filled him, but only for a moment. He looked up and saw 2D was already standing and preparing to jump. “2D?” Murdoc scrambled on to his feet to follow him, reaching out to grab onto him to ensure they would both be able to get through-

Then he jumped. 

“2D wait-!”

Nothing. The portal closed, leaving Murdoc stranded alone on the sinking lighthouse. 

_ Please just, tell me when that happens? Please? _

Bile and panic began to rise up in his throat. He was alone again. Left to fight and think his way out of another situation by himself. It was something he was used to, he’s been through worse. He could find a way out. He could-

_ You’ll know when I let you know. _

The portal opened up again and he was met with 2D reaching out for him.

_ Thanks.  _

_ You’re welcome. _

“2D!” he smiled widely, letting out a relieved laugh. The singer smiled slightly and Murdoc reached a hand out, straining to close the gap. 2D closed it without hesitation, securely taking hold of his hand. 

_ I love you Stu. I really, really fucking do. _

Their hands clasped tightly and in that moment, Murdoc felt safe. He felt wanted. He felt loved- He felt  _ forgiven _ .

_ I love you too, Murdoc. I always will. _

2D squeezed tighter in response before pulling him through the portal; leaving Plastic Beach behind them forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! Thank you all so much for reading and sticking around! I love Gorillaz and will be writing more stories for the fandom and I'm happy I got to finish this. It was fun to write and I'm glad you all liked it. All your comments and kudos mean a lot. 
> 
> Till next time! 
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Updates every Friday
> 
> Also wanna know what I listen to when writing 2doc? Check out my playlist c:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4nRAIKvY6FpioU2MJLGCKZ?si=9Vep1JpWQq6F2MdUkzKAwQ


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